Stuff Lestah Likes
Here’s a list of some stuff Lestah loves. If you bring any of this to a gig, you will be praised publicly, even if we have to stop a song and ask 300 people look at you. Yup. So do it.
’77 Ram Charger
This vehicle had it all – girth, extremely poor fuel economy and enough power to take down a brick sh##house. What it lacked in style, it made up for - with unpredictable malfunctions – including the strangely hot floor in the passenger section, arbitrary stalling on the highway and obnoxious side mirrors to take out the newspaper boy. When you showed up at a club in this sweet baby, it commanded respect and admiration. Lestah drives one. And you, my friend, should too.
Anything Millah High Life
Predictable? Yes. Ridiculously awesome nonetheless? MmmmmmHmmmmm. You bring this to the gig – especially a tight fitting, 70s, three-quarter-length-sleeve shirt, you’ll get the recognition and respect you rightfully deserve.
Female pant suits
When you saw Charlie’s Angels rockin stuff like this, you KNOW you were intrigued. Don’t try to deny it. It’s that buttoned up, “Plain Jane” look, with a hint of something wild lurking below the surface. The pant suit look says “I’m going to type up minutes from the board meeting and drive the kids to soccer practice before doing Fireball shots and having a karate fight in an alley”. When a woman shows up at a Lestah Polyestah gig in a pant suit, give her some space: She’s probably had a stressful day; if she thinks you’re annoying, you could very well get punched in the throat.
Crazy snake fireworks
Remember that year in the 70s when they virtually banned fireworks – leaving people to fend for themselves with pathetic, over-the-counter nonsense, like sparklers, cap guns and crazy snakes? And how you tried to pick up the crazy snake, only to burn a circle on your palm so that people think you’re in the Dark Horse motorcycle gang? So do we. Crazy snakes packed a lot of power into that innocent package, and therefore are deserving of our respect.
Lestah knows a sick groove when he hears it. And let’s be honest – In Da Club was an epic, over-the-top jam for the ages – one that brings everyone to the dance floor, from the hippest urbanites to some dude sporting a white man’s overbite. We’re not sure if we’ll play it or not, but I’m saaaaayin’ there’s a chance. So get there, listen and see what happens.
Ya gotta admit, these things are bafflingly complex. Your gut instinct is to pull, which only further ensnares you in their death grip while it cuts off blood flow in your hands and your friends start to laugh. Word is, these things were Houdini’s final undoing. All I know is, at a Lestah Polyestah gig, they go over BIG. So bring'em if you’ve got'em.
Foam #1 fingers
Giant foam fingers have two purposes: Inappropriate twerking with someone from work or pointlessly provoking your opponent. Both of these activities occur frequently at Lestah Polyestah gigs. Foam fingers make no apology for anything. They are bold, proud and in-your-face. They send a clear message: My team is the best, yours can barely fasten their jock strap. Hence, they are both intimidating and awesome… the best and worst of America, wrapped into one foamy package.
I don’t think we even need to address this, do we? Sure, they look cheesy at first… but keeeep looking. KEEP looking. Eventually, you start to get it. Oh yeah, wait for it, I thi---, I think –I thiiiiink---, NO. They still look ridiculous. But if you think of the time period they embodied – that free flowing, no holds barred decade of the 80s when you pounded a two liter of Sun Country in the tennis courts before the high school dance then doubled over in the corner from a stomach ache – yeaaaah, baby. But at least you had the teased bangs. They accompanied all SORTS of adventures in the late 80s and early 90's.
If you liked the thrill of two rock hard polyurethane balls flying back and forth around your arm, with the risk that they could break your radius or shatter into your eye at any moment, these bad boys are for you. Between Kerbangers, Jarts and the smoking Cabbage Patch Kids doll series, there was quite a selection of dangerous toys in the 80s. Sure, they were subject to an immediate recall, but if you can find these gems and bring them to one of our gigs, you will definitely be a hero.
Sometimes sh## breaks. And when it does, you need a man to take control of the situation. Welding involves several things that turn women’s heads: fire, sparks, bulging muscles and ripped shirts. And that’s exactly what you’ll see on a Lestah Polyestah gig. If you show up in a welding mask, you’re cutting the line and getting in immediately. No. Questions. Asked. So bring it on, Sparky.
The flea flicker
Some football plays are predictable, like, “gee, I wonder if they’re gonna run the ball again”. But something extraordinary happens when you see the flea flicker. When the running back lunges forward then hesitates, you rise to your feetthinking “that son of a b#tch”. When he turns to the quarterback, you see it coming a mile away and your life goes into slow-mo. Then the reverse lateral, the quarterback standing there alone like a deer in headlights, before he launches that 60-yard bomb, when the entire season hangs in the balance. At that moment, you’re either jumping for joy or about to break your TV set from disgust... But you’re truly ALIVE. Whether it’s the thrill of victory or agony of defeat, the flea flicker will jolt you out of malaise like an ice cold shot of tequila. Or like a roller coaster for a ninety year old, whitewater rafting without a helmet on, or those six weeks in high school when you dated that crazy redhead.
There is something incredibly hip about a nerdy robot that uses foul language, or that guy who’s willing to risk complete personal humiliation by breaking out the robot in a club. It’s high risk. When done right, it’s hysterical and badass; often the coup de grace that wins a dance off. When it’s done wrong, oh boy, baby, feel the burrrn (while everyone else erupts in laughter). So the robot, no matter how you stack it, is definitely a win-win; at least for us.
Rodney Dangerfield and Chevy Chase had it right, in their tough, swanky polyester golf slacks, throwing golf clubs and smelling of scotch, you knew there was something manly going on. Nifty slacks are best when worn by someone big and clueless who just got out of a frateeehnity paahty, or someone who looks like they’re making “big trousah”. There is something about that unchecked feeling of confidence while someone looks totally ridiculous, and sometimes, that raw confidence wins you over. We encourage men to wear nifty slacks to a Lestah gig. One way or another, you will be the life of the pahty, and, probably a hit with the ladies, even if that includes seam-busting laughter.
Rabbit ear antenners
I mean, come ON. Your massive Zenith TV sucks. It only gets three channels. So you pop into Radio Shack, pick up these sweet babies, apply some aluminum foil, then WHAMO… It’s only slightly, partially better than before. Rabbit ear antenners are vestige of a happier, simpler era, when you could mix pop rocks and soda and NOT explode, or go away for an entire week leaving your house unlocked while Toonses ran out of the cat flap to fight large, unsuspecting animals in the woods. Rabbit ears refuse to evolve to modern technology and live in the moment, without apology. Live it.
Large, complicated computer equipment
The 80's were a time when technological prowess was demonstrated by large, baffling displays of computer technology. Huge CPUs, oversized monochrome monitors, floppy discs thrown everywhere, external keyboards with a cord that could choke a rhinoceros, and of course, 48 baud modems hooking into AOL chatrooms at breakneck speed. To the viewer, the look was impressive. “Look, Barney, I don’t know what all that crap was, but these guys CLEARLY know their stuff. Let’s give them the business.”
The $1 talking calculator
This gem, once purchased at the Off Price Outlet in Durham, would delight audiences with its ridiculous treatment of various numbers and its poor command of basic math skills. It was used for many cheesy answering machine recordings (e.g., “You’ve reached eight, six, eight, four, four, oh, oh”), or my personal favorite “seven plus six equals one three” bing, booonnng! If you can find this sweet baby, bring it to a gig. It needs to go onstage.
This massive, green iron structure connecting Maine and New Hampshire has a name so cryptic that no one can pronounce it. It connects one green shore to the other while traversing a span of ocean near an obnoxious pile of salt, crushed car parts and a mountain of tires (REALLY – is that the best location for that crap ?!?). We’re pleased to give this monstrosity its proper name -- the “Lestah Connectah”. Now, you’ll have this name stuck in your head every time you drive over it until 2036. Say it with me: “Lestah Connectah”. Yup. It’s a lock.